


for wonwoo.

by lunarsoob



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, bad at tagging SORRY, very minor wonhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 20:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarsoob/pseuds/lunarsoob
Summary: Kwon Soonyoung and Jeon Wonwoo have been best friends since 9th grade, and they would do anything for each other. They know everything about each other—except for their feelings.





	for wonwoo.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i've been in my soonwoo feels these past few days so i decided to write this.....
> 
> hope you enjoy~

**_the first time i met you._ **

 

The first day of 9th grade was something Soonyoung hadn’t been looking forward to. It’s not that he hated school, or he hated first-days—he had been doing just fine in his studies, and he wasn’t the type to be concerned with how the first day of each school year went. Some people like to think of the first day of the year to be a telling on how the rest of the year would go, and Soonyoung respects that, but he thinks it doesn’t pay well to be superstitious or to jinx yourself like that. He would much rather keep a positive outlook on his own, and work hard to make sure it stays that way.

 

Anyway, the reason why Soonyoung dreaded this day so much was because it’s his first day at a new school, far from his old one, and the home he grew up in. He doesn’t understand why they moved after he finished 8th grade, why they didn’t move after 9th grade instead, which would be when he finished middle school, or why they even had to move at all. Thinking about this only made Soonyoung more confused, and he already had a lot on his mind, so he tried to tell himself not to worry about something that already happened.

 

Instead, he would worry about how today would go. He didn’t know anyone, no familiar names or faces to ease his nerves, so he reminded himself quickly of how he would have to brave through this alone. Or, so he thought.

 

The very moment Soonyoung walked into his classroom, his eyes landed on the name tag of a boy he was sure he had never seen before in his life, and it read ‘Jeon Wonwoo’. The name sounded familiar, but Soonyoung brushed it off as one of those moments where your brain plays tricks on you and makes you believe you’ve seen or heard something before when you haven’t. He didn’t know this Wonwoo, but he seemed harmless and the seat next to him was empty, so he decided that Wonwoo would be his first friend at that school, regardless of whether or not Wonwoo would put any effort into being his friend in return.

 

“Hi,” Soonyoung greeted, gesturing for Wonwoo to pull out his earphones. Wonwoo looked less than pleased to have to do that for a stranger, and this was something Soonyoung took note of, but since he did it anyway, Soonyoung thought it was nice. “Can I sit next to you?” he asked, gesturing to the empty space, to which Wonwoo nods slightly, before turning his attention back to the book he was reading—a thick encyclopedia, Soonyoung thought.

 

_This is going to be difficult_ , Soonyoung thought, but he wasn’t about to give up. His parents didn’t raise a quitter, and Soonyoung figured that if he didn’t try to put in more effort into befriending this Wonwoo guy today, the rest of the year would go by rather awkwardly, seeing as how they’ll be sitting right next to each other. So he decided to keep going.

 

“I’m Kwon Soonyoung,” he said, flashing his teethy smile to Wonwoo. “You’re Jeon Wonwoo, right?”

 

Wonwoo barely glanced at Soonyoung before giving another curt nod, and Soonyoung’s teethy smile slowly fades away. “Aren’t you surprised that I know your name?” he tried, hoping to start up a verbal answer from Wonwoo.

 

“Not really,” he answered. “You read my name tag, right?”

 

“Yeah—yeah I did,” Soonyoung replied sheepishly, slumping down into his seat. He decided he would try again a little later, and throughout the rest of the day. Maybe Wonwoo just wasn’t in the mood for a chat this early in the morning. Yeah, maybe that’s it. Maybe later on in the day, Wonwoo would open up to him a little bit more, and they can get somewhere with their friendship. He didn’t think of Wonwoo as someone cold or standoffish or whatever, more as someone who’s a little awkward and shy around new people. Soonyoung could deal with that.

 

The morning flew by quickly, and the way most first days went. Soonyoung was the only one who had to introduce himself to the class, and that only happened in the first 4 minutes of the school day, so he didn’t really care about it that much by the time school was over, even though he had rushed through his words like he was speaking without spaces (which was something he did often, and wanted to work on). A few people had come to talk to him, and they seemed nice enough from what he could tell in the few minutes he had spoken to them. All in all, the worries he had been ignoring about starting a new school—about whether or not he could make friends, or if the kids were nice, slowly drifted away. Soonyoung didn’t see anyone who would be close to him yet, but it would take time, he decided. Just more time, that’s all, and everything would be okay.

 

It was a half day, as most first days were, so he was glad that at least he could go home early and think about school a little later in the day. Or week. At that point, all Soonyoung wanted to do was look for a place he could have a nice lunch, and treat himself to a good meal as a self-congratulatory reward for making it through his first day at a new school with less concerns than when he woke up in the morning. He figured he would be alone for this celebratory meal, and he thought about how he would have to get used to eating alone for a while before he would have any friends to accompany him.

 

That’s when Wonwoo surprised him.

 

“Hey, uh, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo called to the otherwise oblivious Soonyoung, whose thoughts and attention were drifting further away from reality and closer to the images of food in his head. It took the cheery boy a few moments to realize that Wonwoo had spoken to him, that he had actually called his name, and Wonwoo himself spent a few seconds wondering whether or not Soonyoung heard him, and whether or not to call him again.

 

“Oh, sorry I—kind of got distracted just now,” Soonyoung said, smiling sheepishly at Wonwoo, who seemed to be a little amused. Soonyoung didn’t know him well enough to be sure, but he wanted to think that he was amusing to Wonwoo. “What’s up?”

 

“Do you—do you have any plans for lunch?” Wonwoo asked, sounding a little unsure of himself, and it made Soonyoung unsure if Wonwoo really wanted to have lunch with him, or if he was asking out of courtesy. He then realized that there’s no reason for Wonwoo to ask out of courtesy, since it’s not like they’re supposed to have lunch at school anyway, and this realization made him the slightest bit excited. Was this the start of a budding friendship?

 

“No, not really,” Soonyoung answered. “I don’t really know anywhere nice to have lunch yet. I thought about exploring but I’m not even sure where to start…”

 

“I can show you a few cool places where we can hang out,” Wonwoo offered. “If you’d like, that is. Unless you want to go home, I mean, that’s cool, too.”

 

Wonwoo’s shy demeanor made Soonyoung’s heart flip just a tiny bit, and he wondered how long it would take for Wonwoo to warm up to him enough to sound less nervous when he spoke to him. It was cute though, the way he sounded eager the first second and calmer the next, and how his facial expressions followed suit. Soonyoung was already looking forward to getting to know Wonwoo better, more than he did when he first got there, and he could sense that Wonwoo would be someone dear to him for the rest of his life.

 

“Jeon Wonwoo,” Soonyoung started, making the other boy look a little startled. “I’d like to hang out with you.”

 

At that, the brightest smile lit up Wonwoo’s face, taking up half of his face, with his nose all scrunched up and his eyes crinkling around the corners. It was a pretty sight, and upon seeing it, Soonyoung had to mentally force himself to stop the blush from creeping onto his cheeks (not that it worked, but an effort was made). He made a mental note that Wonwoo was really cute, and was even cuter when he smiled like that, and that was when he decided that he would try to make Wonwoo smile like that as often as he could, for as long as he lived.

 

**_i couldn’t stop my growing feelings for you._ **

 

After middle school came high school, and Soonyoung was excited to start this new chapter of his teenage life with a friend like Wonwoo.

 

Over the past year, they had grown incredibly close, almost inseparable, to the point where you would always find one with the other. At some point, Soonyoung realized he didn’t have a friend whom he cared for as much as he did for Wonwoo, and at around the same time, Wonwoo realized how glad he was that Soonyoung had sat next to him that day.

 

At some _other_ point, Soonyoung realized that his fondness for Wonwoo extended past the point of friendship, and that he was developing a crush on Wonwoo. This stirred up a bit of panic in Soonyoung, and for a week he tried to shy away from Wonwoo and keep a safe distance, but this attempt only made Wonwoo concerned. As a result, Wonwoo started to come over more often to make sure Soonyoung was alright, which only made him more flustered instead. Soonyoung then decided that trying to hide from Wonwoo was making things worse instead of better, and that he would just try to figure things out while still hanging out with his best friend like they usually do.

 

For a while, it was clear to Soonyoung where the line between ‘friend’ and ‘crush’ started and stopped. He treaded this line very carefully, making sure that he knew the difference, and that he never spent too much time seeing Wonwoo as a crush instead of a friend, for he feared that Wonwoo would end up being more of a crush than a friend, which would only complicate things more. Soonyoung wasn’t fond of complicated things—he would much rather have everything go as smoothly as possibly, even if it meant he had to work extra hard to keep his feelings in check.

 

Then one day, the line started to blur, and Soonyoung found himself stuck in a place he had so desperately avoided.

 

Exam season during high school was somehow similar, yet much different than in middle school. Of course, nearly everyone took their exams seriously, regardless of which grade they were in, but in high school, the pressure was stronger. During the first exam season in their first year, Soonyoung discovered that he and his friends were all struggling to keep their calm, and that they were all stressed and on edge throughout the length of their examinations. Soonyoung felt like he was slowly losing his mind, and the stress he felt began to manifest in his expressions and behavior, and Wonwoo decided that he needed to save his best friend from this apparent descent into madness.

 

So, every morning, Wonwoo would bring two packets of almonds from the convenience store—one for him, and one for Soonyoung. He had read somewhere, or maybe he had heard from someone, that they improved your memory, and even if they didn’t, they were a nice snack to have. Wonwoo did this on exam days and normal days, and if they were meeting each other during the weekend or during vacation, he would do the same. It became part of his daily routine to stop by the convenience store on his way to school, and somehow, the same convenience store always had those almonds in stock.

 

Soonyoung found it odd at first—he had never seen Wonwoo eat almonds at all in the year before, and he didn’t recall Wonwoo ever mentioning almonds either. He wasn’t sure if Wonwoo really believed that almonds enhanced your memory either, or if he was merely just following a habit he picked up from somewhere. Soonyoung found it odd, definitely, but also nice, because there was something for him to look forward through every morning and before he even realized it, Soonyoung started to like almonds—or maybe he just liked Wonwoo.

 

Then, each week before exam season, Wonwoo would get Soonyoung to start studying with him. _This way, we don’t have to rush to cram everything in the night before an exam,_ he would say to a Soonyoung who would much rather do other, less stressful things than studying. Wonwoo started off having a rough time trying to persuade his best friend to study with him, but after a while, Soonyoung started to protest less and followed along a lot more willingly. Wonwoo thought that maybe Soonyoung didn’t want to fight with him anymore about studying. In reality, Soonyoung thought of studying with Wonwoo as another excuse for them to spend time together, and his parents wouldn’t pester him so much since they were actually being productive.

 

With all their preparations for exams, Soonyoung realized some things that he hadn’t realized before. For instance, he discovered that Wonwoo was good at getting what he wanted, because each time he tried to get Soonyoung to stop playing around and focus, and all the times they bickered about what to study, Wonwoo would always get his way. Soonyoung also discovered that he wasn’t very good at denying Wonwoo anything he asked for—so maybe it wasn’t really that Wonwoo was persuasive, just that Soonyoung was a lovesick fool. That’s another thing he realized: that it wasn’t just a simple crush anymore, and he was absolutely, utterly in love with Wonwoo.

 

It didn’t help that Wonwoo was extremely attentive to him, whether in or out of class. Soonyoung wasn’t really sure what to make of it, but he tried to convince himself that Wonwoo was only making sure that he was doing well in his studies. Even so, that didn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat each time Wonwoo asked him if he was okay during classes where Soonyoung zoned out, or if he wanted to slow down when they were studying parts that Soonyoung wasn’t confident in (probably from all the zoning out). Soonyoung tried not to think of these things as anything more than just a friend taking care of a friend, and he was thankful that Wonwoo was taking care of him that way, since he wasn’t sure he would be doing such a good job keeping his grades up if Wonwoo hadn’t been helping him.

 

Another one of Wonwoo’s efforts in keeping Soonyoung sane during exams was by talking to him. Even though Wonwoo was already beyond comfortable in Soonyoung’s company, he was still very much the kind of person to think more than speak. However, he knew that Soonyoung needed to talk about his feelings to make sense of them, so that was what he did.

 

Before each paper, Wonwoo would give Soonyoung a few words of encouragement, to make sure that he remembered to try to keep his stress under control, because being too stressed out would only make things difficult. He would remind Soonyoung to stay focused and not to get distracted or zone out during the paper (at which Soonyoung would object, saying he doesn’t get distracted like that anymore, even though he very much still did). Then Wonwoo would tell him that the most important part is all the effort he put into preparing for the exam, and it’s usually at the last part that he smiles at Soonyoung, because he knows it makes him happy. He does this after the paper is over too, to keep Soonyoung from feeling discouraged and to keep him from being stuck on the previous paper instead of focusing on the next one.

 

Wonwoo does all this because Soonyoung is his friend, and he doesn’t want to see his friend struggle so much when he knows he can help. Soonyoung is aware of this, but even though he keeps this in mind every time his heart flutters, there’s still the part of him that wishes and hopes that maybe, just a little, Wonwoo’s heart flutters for him too.

 

**_this was not what i had hoped for._ **

 

Before they even really realized it, high school was over, and it was time for them to start university. Soonyoung and Wonwoo had managed to get into the same university, the one they had been aiming for all those years, and Soonyoung wanted to celebrate. He also wanted to thank Wonwoo for keeping him focused when needed, and he felt like he wouldn’t have been able to get this far if Wonwoo hadn’t helped him as much as he did.

 

Wonwoo wasn’t that big on celebrations, but since Soonyoung insisted, he went along with it. _Anything for Soonyoung_ , he thought. His best friend mattered to him more than a lot of people in his life, and he was thankful that they were going to university together. He pondered briefly, about what it would be like if he had to start university on his own, before quickly coming to the conclusion that he would survive, but it would be much harder than if he had Soonyoung by his side.

 

Soonyoung had thought about what it would be like if he and Wonwoo were to study in different universities, too. He figured that they would both be fine, but he also knew that he would have a harder time because it would be the first time they’d be apart since the day they met. Thinking about it then, Soonyoung wondered how he had ever lived without Wonwoo at all. It seemed impossible, like nothing actually mattered in the time before Wonwoo, like his life was split into two—Before Wonwoo, and After Wonwoo. It was silly, Soonyoung thought, but it was also a good way to describe just how important Wonwoo was to him.

 

Soonyoung thought that university would finally be the place where he would confess his feelings to Wonwoo. Whether or not Wonwoo felt that same way, that was a different story—the important part was that Soonyoung wanted to get all of it off of his chest. That was what he had planned to do the year before. He knew that things were bound to get a bit awkward after he confessed, but he also knew that Wonwoo wouldn’t hate him for it, which was enough to reassure him that their friendship wouldn’t be ruined.

 

He had wanted to confess to Wonwoo during their first week. Soonyoung knew that they would definitely be busy in the first couple of weeks after, adjusting to classes and their schedules, so they wouldn’t see each other as often. He thought of this as the perfect time for both him and Wonwoo to figure things out, and it wouldn’t leave a big impact on their friendship because they’d both be busy anyway. This was the plan, and Soonyoung was very keen on sticking to it.

 

So on that first Saturday night, the last night before things would get hectic for them, Soonyoung had decided that would be the night he told Wonwoo about his feelings. They were to meet each other for dinner, and Soonyoung thought that a good time to tell Wonwoo would be on their way back. Wonwoo would walk Soonyoung to his dorm first before walking back, so to Soonyoung, his plans were set in stone, and there would be no backing out then.

When he opened the door, scarf wrapped neatly around his neck, eager to greet the love of his life, Soonyoung was surprised, to say the least, when he found not one, but _two_ men standing in front of his door.

 

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo greeted cheerfully. “This is Jeonghan, he’s a sophomore.”

 

The Jeonghan person waved at Soonyoung with equally as much cheer, which was nice but also confusing. Why was this Jeonghan even there anyway? Still, Soonyoung didn’t feel like asking questions, and Jeonghan’s presence at dinner wouldn’t really affect his plans anyway, so he went along with it with ease.

 

It wasn’t until after they had sat down and ordered that Wonwoo decided to really introduce Jeonghan to Soonyoung.

 

“Actually, Soonyoung,” he started, voice sounding nervous, eyes focused on his hands instead of on Soonyoung. Jeonghan laughed lightly at this, and Soonyoung raised an eyebrow at Wonwoo. “I wanted you to meet Jeonghan tonight because…” he stopped, eyes dashing between Soonyoung and Jeonghan back and forth, like he was waiting for either one of them to finish his sentence.

 

“Because…?” Soonyoung prompted, confused at why Wonwoo was being this way. It was like he was the 16-year-old Wonwoo he had met those few years ago, shy and uncertain of himself, in the body of the 20-year-old Wonwoo that sat in front of him now. Soonyoung couldn’t really think of a reason for him to be acting like that, unless…

 

“Jeonghan is my boyfriend.”

 

Soonyoung thought he was dreaming. It couldn’t be real, could it? No, he has to be dreaming, or hallucinating, maybe. Maybe his nerves got the better of him, and he’s just hearing things. But he plays along, and asks, “When did you guys meet?”

 

“After you and I sorted out things at your dorm, I ran into him on my back to my dorm,” Wonwoo answered, eyes sparkling and full of something Soonyoung had never seen before. “He was handing out flyers but nobody was taking them, and I felt bad so I tried to talk to him about the event he was promoting.”

 

“He didn’t really care about the event, but he was sweet enough to make it seem like he was, though,” Jeonghan said, and it pained Soonyoung to hear him talk about his Wonwoo like that, with the same amount of adoration that Soonyoung has when he talks about Wonwoo. It hurts him even more to see Wonwoo grinning at Jeonghan with that sparkly-eyed look.

 

It was only then that Soonyoung realized it was really happening, and that he hadn’t been imaging things like he had hoped for. This was very much real, the pain that he felt stabbing him through the heart at that moment was very much real, and there’s nothing he could do about it. Even if he confessed to Wonwoo after dinner, what difference would it make? It’s not like Wonwoo would drop his new boyfriend for Soonyoung in the blink of an eye. It’s what Soonyoung would secretly hope for, but Wonwoo could never do that to someone.

 

Soonyoung’s biggest concern was that his confession, if he went along with it, wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make Wonwoo suddenly realize his feelings for him, and it certainly wouldn’t make Soonyoung’s feelings go away. A confession would in no way make things better—if anything, it would only make things worse. It could make Wonwoo confused, and that would definitely make Jeonghan confused, and mass confusion was not what Soonyoung was aiming for.

 

And so, just like that, he shut his own feelings away. He decided to suck it up, and to be the supportive best friend he was known to be, for Wonwoo. He was glad that, at least, Wonwoo had someone else to love him other than Soonyoung. To him, Wonwoo deserved all the love in the world, and if he couldn’t be the person that gives him the romantic love he wants, it’s okay, as long as _someone_ is.

 

Soonyoung was okay with that. He had promised years before that he would try to make Wonwoo smile for as long as he lived, and if that was the way to do it, so be it. Soonyoung could live with that, and even if he couldn’t, he had to. For Wonwoo, he would.


End file.
